Somewhere in Between...

If you have ever adopted a child, you know exactly where I am right now mentally. There is this great HOPE in my heart and mind for this child who has captivated our hearts. I see her adorable face and I imagine a lovable, precious, needy child. Someone who was left as a 3-year-old little girl wondering when her mommy was coming to get her and then finally letting go of that hope probably just a few short years ago (if at all). I know she has struggled in school and that her speech is unclear. I am sure she has been teased for many reasons. Then I see the group pictures of her at her "home", holding other children in her lap and hearing about how she "will help the other children who get into trouble", and "share the good things with others", and how the younger children like her very much... Are these statements true? Maybe, maybe not. I just get a feeling when I look into her eyes that she is an old soul. Someone who has had to be very brave and courageous. An overcomer for sure. I also see HOPE. I see a little girl who is going to have to be very brave... AGAIN. Just one more time.
Then there is this other side of my brain and heart that won't let me hang out there for too long. She might reject us. Why wouldn't she? We look nothing like her birth parents or her nannies, OR HER. We don't sound the same or smell the same or act the same... Why would she want to move to America and leave all that is familiar behind? I sure as heck wouldn't! How frightening that would be?! I am an empathetic person. I have the ability to feel other peoples emotions as if I myself were experiencing them. I find myself very frequently taking on others emotions throughout the day. I try to always put myself in other's shoes and ask myself, "how would I feel if..." Or in this case, I imagine my sweet 12-year-old son having to leave all that is familiar behind and go alone with some strange family to China and make a new life there with them and learn to love them in place of me and Matt.
Yes, she is better off in the long run. But that doesn't make her journey any easier. It is a journey for sure and one that she will have to be brave enough to take on. I think she is. I believe with my whole heart that God did not bring us this far, to then leave us at the altar. But this is something to consider. I know that this has been a reality for some families. Will it be ours? I hope not, but we will have to cross that bridge when we get to it. And I believe that God will use even that experience for our good, should that be the case. Because He is an awesome God. And I can look behind me and see His footprints in the sand. I can see His fingerprints on every aspect of my life... ESPECIALLY in the bad times. He has used those times to grow me in ways that I never would've been able to grow any other way. For His faithfulness, I am truly thankful.

Maybe you've never experienced what I am talking about. Maybe you don't believe in God, or in Jesus. What have you got to lose? He loves you. He has been wooing you your whole life. He makes the sun to shine on your face and the birds to sing you lullabies. He moves the waves of the ocean to show you His almighty power and strength. He can be trusted. He provides you with food, shelter, clothing, friends, & family. Every good and perfect gift is from HIM. So, what are you waiting for? Lose yourself in Him today. Maybe you wouldn't even know how to do this. Is there a wrong way? No. Just get alone and close your eyes and imagine yourself at his feet. He is your Creator. He made you and He knows every thought & detail of your life. He knows the very number of hairs on your head. Just ask Him to show you what to do and then be silent. Confess to Him that you are a sinner (as we ALL are). Tell Him you want to have a relationship with Him and you don't know how. Tell Him you want to trust Him, that you want to surrender your life to Him, that you want to believe. Ask Him to forgive your unbelief. Then wait in great expectation. Open up your Bible and read the book of John. He wants you to know His story. The book of John was written, "that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing, YOU MAY HAVE LIFE IN HIS NAME." Don't wait another day. Do it today and then share it with a friend or family member. It's life-giving, life-saving, life-altering, goodness that can not be found anywhere but through Him.

I just felt like that needed to be said. Sorry for the sermon;) But, what good is a blog if you can't use it as your mountain top to share the good news with others? Amen? I pray that God might use me to touch the lives of others. I am so thankful for the people He has used to touch mine... SO eternally thankful.

Blessings,
Rebecca