Day By Day...

We are just a few weeks away from our 2-year gotcha day celebration. It's hard to believe. I don't have any pictures to post at the moment, but I wanted to update my blog on where we are in the process of bringing 2 adopted children into our family. Ashlyn (14) and Abby (6) are still doing really well. I continue to remind myself on a regular basis how blessed we are. I am most thankful that our biological kids all really love our adopted kids. The Lord has sealed that and it's a total miracle; a gift. Our adopted kids function on a day to day basis very much like our biological kids. Although Abby has Down syndrome, she has no negative behaviors that prevent her from being an active part of society, and she is by no means a threat to anyone. We never have to separate her from her peers, even at church. She is very high functioning and well-behaved. From an outsiders perspective, our girls are very "normal". I have thought before that if Ashlyn and Abby were our only kids, parenting would be a piece of cake. But throw 2 girls with special needs who have gaping holes in their hearts into a family of 6 and... well, it's not easy. I would say that at this stage of our process, Ashlyn's greatest struggle is with security and identity. If you came over and spent the day with us, you'd never see it though. She is happy and helpful and appropriate in her behavior. You never have to tell her twice to do anything. She makes her bed, cleans up her half of the room, cleans up after herself (and other's too from time to time), does her homework, and helps keep an extra watchful eye on little sisters... all without even being asked. This is flat out AWESOME and such a blessing to me as a busy mom. I can ALWAYS count on her. I can trust her and that is huge. She is truthful and responsible. She is just a really great girl. Her heart is kind and she is eager to learn. She is thoughtful and considerate towards others. She is also generous. She works very hard at school, and although she was slow to believe she could do it, she ended up with straight A's this first quarter and earned herself a new laptop computer. I answer questions for her and help give her guidance when needed, but she earned those A's all on her own. Her math teacher called me a few weeks ago to tell me that Ashlyn is doing off-the-charts-amazing in her class. She said she's even scoring high on the word problems. The ironic thing is that Ashlyn never completed one assignment in China. She said she never did her work and the teachers didn't care. It's so hard to believe.

Ashlyn is a very complex individual though; understandably. She is all those things I just listed above and then she is also a very emotionally young little girl. She is routined and never forgets a thing. If you're looking for something, Ashlyn always knows exactly where it is. She knows where everyone is at all times. While this does come in handy to a forgetful mom of 6, it can also be very annoying. Like if I go out and tell her I'll be home around 6:00, she will expect me to walk in the door not a minute too soon or too late. If I come home at 6:15 she will say, "oh mom, you said you were going to be home at 6:00 and it's 6:15". Or if I come home at 5:45 instead of 6:00... you get where I'm going. This happens almost daily because in a large family it is very hard to be exact about everything ALL THE TIME. And she always begins the sentence with, "oh mom". I remind her that we've never NOT come back; that we always DO come back, and that I NEVER plan on not coming back. She has a cell phone to call if she's concerned. But she's NOT concerned. For some reason, and I believe I do know why, she just feels the need to inform me of the facts. It's not just an issue of time. This mentality is played out in other areas of her life. She is a scorekeeper. If I hug Ansley (12), Ashlyn will come for a hug. If Ansley sits in the front seat on the way to school, Ashlyn will remember that she gets to sit in the front seat on the way home. If Ansley comes in my bedroom at night to tell me something after I've gone to bed, Ashlyn will follow. Part of this is because I think she follows Ansley's cue's as to what is appropriate to take from me and Ashlyn needs A LOT. She is always in need of affection/attention from me. I have had to gently nudge her out of the nest. She's like the little bear cub that I always feel bad for when watching the Discovery Channel. You know, the one who cuddles up to nurse and the mommy bear pushes her away & is like, "No way. You're too old for that. Now get off of me and go play!" That is how I feel. It's suffocating sometimes. She just has such a big hole to fill. There are many reasons why this is unhealthy for her. It's also unhealthy for me, my husband, and my other 5 children. So we talk a lot. And she's great about that. She's a good listener and has a teachable spirit, for the most part. I am very honest and open with her. We talk about all sorts of feelings and emotions and I make sure to tell her that they are all normal. My feelings are normal and so are hers. You can not deny someone of their own human feelings and emotions. It's not a matter of "should we have them", but of "that we DO have them", and "what are they trying to tell us"? She and I were on a walk one day and a guy rode by on his bike with loud music playing. The gist of the song was that sex and money don't satisfy. She laughed and said, "you know mom, that's true." Which was a great opener to the conversation about the only thing that does. Jesus. I told her that looking to people or things to satisfy the longings of her heart would only leave her disappointed. It was a sweet conversation and I'm so thankful that God gives us those teachable moments with our kids. Going for walks with her are always good. Matt and I take our kids on individual dates too, and that seems to be a big win with her. There's so much that goes on beneath the surface with these kids. I find that much of the behaviors that we are dealing with seemed like a good thing at first, but over time they've started to smell stinky. I think she has dealt with some disappointment in regards to that because she SO LOVED that honeymoon stage. I remember sitting around a lot those first few weeks home and watching movies together (with her sitting next to me, head on my shoulder), playing ping pong, having company over to meet her and Abby, getting to know one another... It was such a fun time. But life had to resume. Dad had to get back to work. Kids had to get back to (home)school. I had to get back to teaching, doing laundry, cleaning the house... She is no longer the star of the show. She's just one of us now. I don't apologize for that. There is no preferential treatment around here. For the past year and a half it's been real life. The hard part of adoption. Raising funds, getting through the paper chase, planning, and torturing myself with fears and worries of the unknown was nothing compared to this. That stuff is so dreamy. This is reality and it isn't always romantic. But it's SO worth it. And we continue to evolve as a family. We are a work in progress. I feel like we are growing in ways that we never would have even known we needed growth in. I look ahead to the future with great hope that my kids will look back on their childhood and the path that Matt and I chose for our family and be thankful. I pray that the good memories will outweigh the bad ones. I realize my need for God more than I ever have before and that is always a good thing. He shows me the ickiness inside of me and then He shows me how great He is. He reminds me that he is at work in me and my family. He has proven Himself loving and kind and near. His grace and longsuffering are a mystery to me, but I will spend my whole life as a student of it. I want to be more like that every day. Dying to my own selfishness and clinging to Him. Setting aside my flesh and keeping my eyes intently on Him. One day at a time...

More to come...

Blessings,
Rebecca

Freedom!

This was our first 4th of July in America with Ashlyn & Abby. Last year we were in Canada, so there was no talk of freedom or of our beloved country. Ashlyn and I went for a walk last week and I told her all of the things that make this country so special. She took it all in and said, "yes, in China, you can worship Jesus, but you have to be very quiet." I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before or not, but Ashlyn knew about Jesus before we came for her. She was attending a small missionary church in her rural town. The pastor and his wife would come to pick up some kids from the orphange on Saturday mornings and take them to their house where they would hear stories from the Bible, sing songs, and eat lunch. Ashlyn has a deep desire for the things of the Lord and she loves Christian music. She tells me, "it's good for my heart." Ironically, she came downstairs early one morning about a year ago and told me she had a new favorite song. We had given her an ipod with music on it and she would fall asleep to it most nights. I asked her what her new favorite song was and she said, in broken English, "love is on the move." Then she said, "It makes my heart feel good, it makes me cry." I've said it before and I'll say it again, with God, there are NO coincidences. Did she know that was the song that inspired this blog? Did she know that God had used it to speak to my heart about her? Nope. Of all of the thousands of songs on that ipod, she loved this song the most...

When the days get foggy and all jumbled up with noise and confusion and sometimes really hard feelings, this is what I go back to. The beginning. God's promise. He is near. He is still at work. He will not leave us. He will not leave us. He will not leave us...

Blessings,
Rebecca

Well, Hello!!!

8 months ago I felt the need to pull the plug on this blog of mine. It was demanding way too much of my time and distracting me from responsibilities and reality. When we got ready to go to China I joined Facebook and that seemed to be a quicker and easier way to keep up with people these past several months. I have missed journaling the events of our daily lives though.

So...

Just to catch you up on what's been happening around our home...

*We spent Christmas with my brother and his wife in NYC... Quite an adventure.

*Ashlyn had her cleft palate repair (taking a bone graft from her hip), along with 8 tooth fillings & tubes in her ears in late December. I wasn't sure what to expect. It seems that many people's experiences with this cleft surgery has been quite difficult. Our doctors gave us great hope that Ashlyn would do just fine, and in fact, SHE DID AMAZING! I think she only took her pain meds for 2 days. She had to eat mushy food for the next 6 weeks, but even then, it wasn't that hard. It was a huge success. Praise the Lord for incredible doctors!

Just another day in the doctor's chair!

*In January, all 4 homeschooled McKees headed off to the big, bad, public school. They all went for different reasons, but mostly just because we realized we needed reinforcements. They all had some gaps to fill in bc of our time off after China and we knew the only way to accomplish this without me losing my mind was to turn it over to the professionals. Ashlyn has excelled in every subject. Her teachers love her. Her hard work and determination has afforded her their extra efforts. They make provisions for her and find alternatives for her in areas where her reading and comprehension is still on a low level. She immediately became qualified for educational speech therapy. In our first days at the new school, the entire team of teachers, guidance counselors, school therapists/psychologists, and staffing specialists were ON TOP OF IT. It has been the best decision for her. The other kiddos are also doing well. Ansley slid right in and has made good friends. Alex was asked to be a part of the basketball team, but because he had just finished up an exhausting basketball season already, he decided not to participate. His PE coach didn't take no for an answer when track season started. Alex joined the team reluctantly and came in 1st place in the 400 in all 3 of the heats that he competed in. We were so proud! Aidan is having a blast at his new school too. He made friends fast and has something to pour all of that pent up energy into now. It's been so good for all of us to have some time away from each other. As much as we love our time together, things were getting really strained around here. I am enjoying just being mom again. And, can I just say, the public school system has blown us away. We are very pleased. Our kids have even surprised us with their desire to step out and be a light for their peers and teachers. Amamzing stuff... too much to share just yet, but God is SO good!

His very first track meet. I was just praying that he wouldn't come in dead last. He was competing against some very fast boys! He came in first place!

*This spring we finally put a pool in; something we'd been waiting to do since we moved in this home 7 years ago. It has been such a huge blessing. We spent our spring break here at home with friends and family, playing in the pool. Abby LOVES the water. We enrolled her in survival swim lessons and she did great. She really is a natural in the water. She will jump in the deep end now and swim all the way over to the shallow end, floating when she needs to catch her breath. It's been so good for her.

Swim Lessons

*Speaking of Abby, we finally got her IEP! This took a year, but we finally have it and plan to start more intensive speech therapy very soon. She is still not speaking, but she does try. She also tries communicating in other ways from time to time and this gets me very excited. She's such a smart little girl. She's a sweet girl who is very loved by her entire family. She also loves to be a helper and I am starting to look for ways to move on from babying her to treating her more like the 6 year old that she is. She is very capable.

*Baseball season is almost done for our little A-Dog. He's had another really good season. He pitches really well and plays short stop and first base. He's a natural at this sport and his good sportsmanship makes us very proud.

Game Ball!

*I just enrolled Averleigh for VPK in the fall (sniff-sniff). She is turning into such a big girl. I really hate that I'm out of the baby phase forever. I never saw that one coming. We've talked about adding another one, but I think my soon-to-be-highschooler would curl up and die of embarassment. He has expressed on more than one occasion that he is not for adding anymore children to the chaos. It's just about all he can handle, sharing a room with his sloppy 8 year old brother... :) Firstborns!

Averleigh, Addie (the neighbor), and Abby

Alex's first time driving my van... He did a great job!

*Matt and I celebrated our 17th anniversary in April. We got away for a night at a beautiful resort here in Orlando. It was so relaxing... a much needed break away alone:)

Me and My Sweet Guy!

*Summer is upon us and we have alot already scheduled... More surgery for Ashlyn (lip revision and 2 front teeth), camps, basketball conditioning, VBS, Summer reading programs, more swim lessons, and Lord willing, the beach and Canada.

We celebrated Ashlyn's birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese... picked them all up from school and surprised them. It was her very first time. We figured we needed to make up for lost birthday parties past... every kid needs a birthday at CEC!

*And lastly...
We got another dog:) Bentley... He's an American Eskimo. We rescued him from a foster family who found him. He's about 3 years old, we think...

A-Dog & Bentley

*Everything is still going better than we ever dreamed it would. We continue to press on and stay focused on what the Lord has for us. Ashlyn and Abby continue to defy the odds. They love us and they love their life here in America. Do we have setbacks? Yes. Is it always easy? No. But, it's been the best thing that's EVER happened to us and God has eqipped us with everything we need to get through the struggles. We have developed a relationship with a good Christian counselor for Ashlyn. She will continue to go twice a month and learn to unpack her hurts and the things that she keeps buried underneath that sweet smile of hers. She's s fighter and an overcomer. She has a great attitude. Her mental health is great and she thinks very maturely for a girl her age. She's very practical, understanding, forgiving, and realistic. Sometimes she makes us crazy, but that's just because we are selfish human beings. We are all learning how to slow down and be patient with each other. I just pray that when my kids leave this crazy home one day, they will look back with fond memories. That the good will outweigh the bad and that they will have a deep love for one another.

Leaving my nephew's birthday party... I had to snap this pic! It's embedded on my heart forever!

Blessings,
Rebecca