I have some personal convictions about blogging that I still struggle with, and I'm looking for some (kind) feedback. (And for the record, I am not on Fac*book either:) This is a personal conviction... meaning it is about me. Not you. I have sometimes felt that blogging was just a nonchalant way of bragging. Not always, but sometimes. There are wonderful public blogs out there that give glory to God and do wonderful things for others. I am not talking about those blogs. Blogging has been my biggest source of help and encouragement in the world of adoption. I love how candid people can be about their struggles and how much they just want to help and give support. I LOVE how people come together to promote help for the lost and lonely. I LOVE how with one single post Adeye is able to raise awareness for a family in need and that need is met overnight. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE that thousands of children are finding families because of advocacy blogs and websites. I LOVE that it's free!!! But there is another side of blogging that made me very leary of ever joining the club. I'll give my example... There was a blog I was looking at about 4 years ago, when I was brand knew to the whole blogging world. I knew this gal personally. She blogged about her entire life and sent it out to the cosmos. Beautiful pictures, inspiring stories, personal beliefs, creative ideas... Her children & marriage were the primary focus. As I read her posts I was confused. Yes, she is a fantastic mother and her children are precious and she has a good marriage, but I know the whole story. Not just the fairy tale. What made me stop and think was a comment that a stranger left on her blog. This gal's marriage was suffering. Her children were misbehaving. She felt like a failure. She was deeply depressed. Her comment said, "I wish I had a husband and children like yours." This made me stop dead in my tracks and think, "Oh, no..." This poor lady was looking at my friends blog and thinking that her life was just one big dream boat. I have to wonder... is that the point? (This can obviously go either way. Some people share deeply personal stories that could potentially be embarassing to their children & husbands.) I admit that I love to look good too. Deep down I want to be a success too. I don't want for others to see all of my ugly weaknesses. I want to put my best foot forward too. Don't we all just want to be known & accepted? I love approval from others. "Words of Affirmation" is my #1 love language. It is very tempting for me to want to post pictures and stories of my family and share with you all how are terrific they are. But, I still struggle with this. I am an open book for the most part. I'd rather throw myself under the bus and tell you all of my junk before I tried to make you think I've got it all together. I know I am a good mom and wife. That's what the Lord put me on this earth to do and He has given me the desire and the strength and the wisdom to do it well. But this life is a journey and none of us have it all figured out and we all come to the table the exact same way: as sinners. I struggle daily with demons in my head that tell me that my best is simply not good enough. I worry that I will have great regrets at the end of my life because I did not read with my children each and every day. We did not do crafts very often. I lost my temper too much. I didn't jump on the trampoline with them as often as they'd have liked. I am too forgetful. My cooking wasn't as yummy as Mrs. Melody's. I wasn't as grace-filled as Mrs. Susan. I didn't buy them as many treats from the store as Mrs. Jill... The list could go on and on.
So, what's my point??? I started this blog as an advocacy site for Ashlyn. It has turned into a great source of therapy for me. But at what point when she is home, do I take a step back? I don't know if it's ok to share her journey with hundreds of people daily. Would I be ok with that if I was her? Yet, I love the help that comes from it. What do you guys think? Many of you, like myself, are ghost readers. I see that my blog is viewed by hundreds of people daily, yet only a couple of you leave comments. :) I'd love to have a discussion with you all about your thoughts on this matter. Does anyone relate?
I'll close with a verse of scripture that my brother read at my beloved P-Paw's funeral years ago:
1 Thessalonians 4:11 "...and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you."
BTW, I do have a family blog that I keep as a journal. It is not public. I keep it for my out-of-state family and close friends. I use it as a journal of our lives together and my kids love to read it. I brag like crazy on that blog because it's just for us and my kids love to read about themselves. It's great fun.
Blessings,
Rebecca
Thursday, December 15, 2011
4 comments:
I love feedback from my bloggy friends, so comment away and I'll visit your blog too! However, if you're just lurking anonymously and leaving snarky remarks, this isn't the blog for you. My heart is always to reflect the love of Jesus and be a source of encouragement to others. If anything you read here gives you a check in your spirit, please feel free to lovingly disagree with me in grace:)
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Hi, Rebecca! Wow, I think I have thought every thought you just wrote! Here's where I am: I have found a lot of encouragement through people willing to put their experiences & convictions out there. I've also been challenged to grow. When I mentioned that to one of said people, she pointed out that I had shared a lot of things with her through email that would also encourage people. That's when I began blogging. I a always trying to maintain balance though. I even have in my profile that I'm an imperfect person. I do feel like I have things to say, so I try to pray about everything before I share, & I also run it by my older girls if there are details I feel I need permission for. They are pretty open about things b/c we don't try to hide the tough stuff. It's part of who we are, & I think they've seen over & over how we end up connecting with people that are going through similar things (I get several private emails about posts). I try to avoid hanging all the undies out in full view. ;) I like the bible verse you shared, but I also think we are to be in relationship & share what God is doing in our lives. Being a stay-at-home mom, I feel like this is another way to connect with others & possible witness to those that are seeking (I've had a few of those emails, too). Not sure if I've been much help, but again, I have pondered everything you have!
ReplyDeleteMorning Rebecca - wow - you put a lot out there.
ReplyDeleteBlogging is all that you've said - but the best thing about blogging is that it is what YOU want it to be.
We started blogging when we were in the process of discernment for our second adoption. We turned to blogs for reasons like your's - support and information from folks that have BTDT.
We continued blogging because it was 1)fun, 2) a way to reach many folks with whom we've become 'friends', 3) because life isn't always easy or simple and we get support from friends when times are tough, and 4) because a lot of the time life is just plain good - and good things are fun to share with folks too!
Blogging is emotionally purging - that's a good thing.
Blogging has allowed us to stay connected with folks we've met IRL during our adoption trips - many of whom are closer to us than family - in fact they ARE family. One of the adoptive dad's called me first - before he even talked with his family - when they had been matched to their youngest daughter - family.
Blogging has also brought us into lives of a couple different families - again IRL - that have actually stopped for a visit while they were traveling from point A to point B and had a chance to take a meal and rest break with us - or who had a child at our Cincinnati Children's Hospital for a surgery or two. We'd open our homes to them while they were here - or maybe just go hang out at the hospital with them to pass that time. Blogging expands your world!
We had issues with some of our family about what was on the blog because it painted them in a less than pretty light. The reality was - however - that their behavior was less than proper - let's just say 'not WWJD'. Fine - they have the choice to modify their behavior or not, but if the motive for you to modify your behavior is public knowledge of your behavior - well - that's a blog post eh? ;)
But their comments and angst really kind of ruined it for Marie - she's still timid about blogging - and I don't know if it will ever feel the same to her again. And that's a wrong that I don't know if they can ever right. It did cause us to restrict access to the blog too. But we hand out access like candy at a parade!!
Bragging - well suffice to let me quote my dad..."Son, its not a brag if its true". That's pretty simple - but also correct.
In regard to your quote from Paul's letter - I've been Blessed to have translated a lot of Scripture myself - from Greek mostly - to Latin - and finally to English. At the end of the day I'm compelled to think that 1) We will never really 'know' what a lot of the passages originally said - because the original documents are lost to time. 2) There are hundreds of conflicts in Scripture. Paul's words here are good - but contrary to Christ's words when He invoked us to "Let your light shine like a city on a hill for all the world to know the honor and glory of God" (That's my translation BTW - not pretty or flowery - but closer to what is in the greek!). There is a lot of Witness to Faith and Belief that is present on your blog - as there are in many other blogs. I can't reconcile these two divergent instructions from Scripture. But I can say that blogging is of value!
And so - I'd suggest that you keep right on blogging whatever you want. When the Spirit moves you to blog - and you've known those times - blog that. When He doesn't - blog life - or not, becuase it is YOUR blog! But...
It's not a brag if its true....
hugs - for my part I consider myself better for having met you - and if our paths should one day cross - meeting IRL would be cool too!
aus and co.
Rebecca, The world is full of negative things and blogs don't have to be. You're blessed in many ways so yell it from the mountain top it's ok!
ReplyDeletefrom Phil & family in San Diego ;-)
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful I found your blog {through Adeye's blog} it has been a huge blessing to me and was a very specific answered prayer. I commented once before, not sure if you read it or not, though you probably did, it's your blog! I'll just say it again, I've been praying for Ashlyn {who was known to me as Desirae} for almost a year now and I love that I am going to get the chance to see her come home to you and your family. It's such a blessing to me to see that it happens, that some of the children on those waiting lists get a family. Praise God!
Thank you for blogging and sharing your life with us, it really is an encouragement!
Amanda