Our Story...

This is a special post, just for all of you who wonder... "Why adoption?", "Why China?", "Why an older child?"...

Today I got to spend some time with a friend at Chik-fil-A while our kids ran in and out of the playroom like 5,000 times. It was a great conversation that could've taken half the time without the thousands of interruptions, but great nontheless:) And totally unplanned! That's the best kind!

She asked about our adoption process and said, "Rebecca, why an older child? I have to admit I'm scared for you, but I don't know why." It got me thinking that there are probably many more people in our lives wondering the very same thing. And because Matt & I don't just go around everywhere oosing each and every detail to people, it leaves them out of the amazing details that we so long for them to know. There just never seems to be enough time to share it all... To share the details; the special stuff. The "only God" stuff, and how we came to this decision in the first place.

So this is that post. I hope you will stick around long enough to read it in full. It's a long story, but so necessary in order to understand our decision. My prayer is that it will open your eyes to the great need for more families to say "yes" to adoption and that you will have a peace in your heart about our decision after you are done hearing it. If not, oh well! :)

So here goes:

Back in 2004, while watching an Oprah episode God broke my heart for the plight of the unwanted daughters in China. Before I go any further, I must include a documentary called "The Dying Rooms". If you have time to watch it, it will really help you understand why my heart was so broken and a better understanding of why so many adoptive families choose China. The documentary is broken up into 4 segments. Get a box of tissues:

So that is why we chose China, although at this point we are open to anywhere. Mei Ming (the little girl in the above video) will always have a special place in my heart. She makes me stop and think about the millions of orphans every time I  rock my babies to sleep at night, or hug and kiss them, or put band-aids on their boo-boos, or hold them while they're sick, or prepare healthy meals for them... She does have a name. God knows her name. One day I will too and I will tell her how she changed my life, by the grace of God.

I am going to make this as quick and to the point as possible...
We've been talking about adoption for a long time. And we have waited on the Lord to show us the when, where, why, & how of it all. He took almost 8 years to give us the green light.

When we decided to go for it on December 17, 2010, we had decided to try the "waiting child" (children with minor-severe birth defects) route because the wait for a healthy baby had climbed to 5 years and counting. The wait for a "waiting child" was only 12-15 months. We felt comfortable adopting a toddler with a cleft lip/palate. So that's what we went looking for. My adoptive friend Jaci gave me two websites (Cornbread & Chopsticks and Rainbow Kids) to look at and Ashlyn (our daughter) was listed on both. As I scrolled through the pictures and short descriptions looking for a toddler (there were several & I even inquired about a few), I noticed her immediately. This was the picture I saw:


Sorry, I can't figure out how to turn it!

I thought she had the sweetest countenance. Her short bio said this, "She loves to fix her hair and be beautiful like other girls. She loves to help with the younger children. She will teach them to play games and help the other children who get into trouble. The younger children like her very much. She doesn't do very well in school. Her speech is unclear due to her cleft repair." It was love at first sight. I showed her picture and bio to Matt and he said, "That's our daughter. Let's go get her." So we requested her file from the agency and they emailed it to us that same day. As I sat on the family room floor that evening reading it to Matt, I got goosebumps. Her birthday was February 18, 1999. I just new it was going to be in February. Both Ansley & Averleigh have February birthdays. We also learned her real name: Wan Li Hui. It means, "The hope to be a kind person". We gave her the name "Ashlyn Hope" back in 2004.  We felt like these were confirmations from the Lord. We didn't find out until after we gave her the name "Ashlyn" that it actually means, "vision of God." She is truly that.

 We decided to stay with that agency instead of asking them to transfer her file to another because we really did not know of any Christian agencies at that time that came highly recommended and the current agency had a good reputation. I told the coordinator right off the bat that we did not meet all of China's expectations financially (even though Matt has a great paying job) and that we did not have $30,000 sitting in the bank (we had just finished paying off over $120,000 of debt thanks to Dave Ramsey & our amazing God), and that my husband is self-employed, and that we were trusting God to provide. She was very polite, but I could tell by her lack of feedback that she probably was not a believer.

We prayed and asked the Lord to show us if this was not His will by closing the doors necessary to proceed. The first step was to fill out an entire history report of our life, including our financial information. We were debt free, but upside down in our mortgage with very little savings and few assets. Thus we basically had negative net worth. China requires you to have a net worth of $80,000. We applied anyway and waited the long 2 weeks in prayer. In the meantime, Matt had a friend in the commercial real estate business drop by with a forgotten referal check for twice the amount he had originally expected. Yay God! He provided the means to move forward with our first payment.

In the meantime I was searching for anything I could find on older child adoption. I joined the yahoo group of families who have adopted from Ashlyn's orphanage and searched their group pictures for her face and read their stories of what the orphanage looked like and what their experiences were with their children coming out of there. Most of them adopted their children as toddlers. There was only one lady named Mary who had adopted an older child (7 years old) from there 8 years ago. I emailed her and asked her if her daughter remembered Ashlyn. She did! She couldn't give me any specifics, but her daughter recognized Ashlyn from the picture I emailed them.

Ashlyn holding Meilani San Filippi before she came to live with her family in CA. I met the San Filippi's on the yahoo group. He sent me this picture and said, "See if your daughter is in this picture. " I said, "Yes she is! She's the one holding the baby." And he said, "That baby is our daughter!"  :) We are looking forward to the day that Meilani and Ashlyn will meet again.

Our agency gave us the blog of a family who had brought home a 13 year old girl about 2 years ago and they were only having minor issues. Nothing concerning. So we kept on praying and waiting on the Lord. We felt like the doors were still opening.

A good friend of mine gave me the email address of a local family who had just brought home a 13 year old girl 2 months earlier. I reached out to them to tell them about what we were doing and to ask them how things were going for them....

On Sunday, January 23,2011 James MacDonald was in town and teaching from Revelation 10, which was about the awe of God. In the middle of the sermon he said he had prayed that God would give him a word for someone. He said, "For sure, for sure, this word is for someone here today." At that moment I turned to Matt and said, "I know what he's going to say." And he proceeded to share the scripture from Habakuk 2:3, "For the vision is yet for the appointed time. It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it. It will certainly come. It will not delay."
That verse had been rolling around in my head for the past 3 years. A good friend and adoptive dad, Jeff Lawrence, had shared it with us when we were telling him of our desire to adopt. I looked at Matt and said, "I knew it!" I knew he was going to share that verse. That word was for us. No doubt. He also said, "When the Lord gives you a word, don't doubt it."

On February 17, 2011 we recieved PA (preliminary approval). Which means that China said, "yes". We could continue with proceedings to adopt Wan Li Hui (Ashlyn Hope). We were so excited. I couldn't believe it. Also, it was a very special day... In China it was already the 18th and Ashlyn's 12th birthday. We celebrated that night and went to bed very happy.

Updated picture that we received with our first PA.

I was almost asleep that night when I heard the "ding" on my cell phone. I checked my email and found a response from the local family with the 13 year old girl. It was a looong email telling us of their circumstances. It was not pretty. Basically it was everything I had prayed that God would protect us from. Our kids were our #1 concern. This family was having some pretty major issues integrating their new daughter into their family. She introduced me to a yahoo group of Christian families who had adopted kids from China ages 10 and up. It was more of the same. To me the stories were my worst nightmare. Matt and I got very cold feet at that point. We called the agency the next day and told our coordinator that we needed some time to pray and seek counsel. She gave us 2 weeks. During that time period we talked to everyone we knew who had any adoption experience plus family and a social worker. They all said, "don't do it." So we prayed alot. We called the agency and said we just didn't have the peace we needed to proceed. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. I was devastated. The kids were so disappointed. Matt completely shut down and swore off adoption altogether. Our coordinator told us that she understood, but if we backed out, China would not allow us to try again down the road. There was no turning back. I hung up the phone with her that day thinking, "If this is meant to be, it will happen, Nothing is impossible with God."

So I spent the next weeks pouring over adoption blogs and waiting child lists. I even found an amazing Christian adoption agency called Lifeline (long, but awesome story in and of itself) and told Matt that when the time came, this would be our agency. I researched everything from older child adoption to down syndrome and saw face after face of precious children who grabbed my heart. I would show them to Matt and he'd ignore me. He became really closed off to even discussing it, to the point that I knew that if I didn't shut up, I was going to push him completely over the edge. So I kept it to myself as best as I could, which was really hard. I'd email him blog posts from other reluctant husbands so that he would see that he wasn't alone. Most of them tell about how adoption usually starts in the heart of the woman and it takes a while for the husband to put aside his fears and get on board. But once it happens, the dads are usually the first ones down the path of adoption again. I'm not sure that he read them, but at least he knew that I wasn't giving up.

While on my walk one day I was praying and asking the Lord what He wanted me to do. My heart was still so broken over letting go of Wan Li Hui. I was listening to Leeland singing "Love Is On The Move" and I got this idea. I was going to go home and start an advocacy blog for her!

So I ran home as fast as I could and thus the birth of my baby blog and it's namesake:)
I reached out to other advocacy blogs and people with heavily followed adoption blogs and asked that they advocate for Ashlyn and send any inquirers my way. They were happy to help and I did receive several interested inquiries over the course of the next few months. Each time someone would ask for her info, I'd get all excited and then get let down when they'd email back saying she wasn't the one for them. I was hoping I could have a hand in finding her family & that I might get to follow along with their journey and maybe even have the chance to meet her face to face someday.

Summer was approaching and I needed a break from my adoption obsession. I told the Lord that I was taking a step back. He knew my heart. If He desired for us to adopt a child, He was going to have to tell Matt. It was going to have to come from the Lord to Matt. This had to start with him because he is the head of our home and I am a firm believer that God desires for me to fully submit to my God-fearing husband. I was completely expecting this to happen. One of the ladies who inquired about Ashlyn read my blog and emailed me asking, "Rebecca, I just have to ask you, are you sure she isn't meant to be yours?" I said, "Well, no, but He hasn't changed my husbands heart yet..."

Summer break kicked off with a week of VBS. My good friend Jaci asked us to watch their Chinese cutie pie, Mia, for a couple of nights during that week. We love mia. Jaci joked that maybe Mia would "inspire" Matt. The next week we were off to Canada. On the way up we stayed with Jeff & Lisa Lawrence in Knoxville. They have a Chinese daughter; Kate. On the way home from Canada we stopped in Atlanta to visit my best friend Tracy and her family. They also have a Chinese daughter; Mary Clare. As soon as we arrived home I got a text from my neighbor asking if we were interested in hosting foreign exchange students ASAP. There was a desperate need for hosts and the kids were arriving in Florida that week. We jumped at the opportunity with only 2 weeks until we would be leaving for Kanakuk Family Kamp. I called the lady from the program and she had her assistant at my house the next day. We received our 2 CHINESE exchange students (another amazing story in and of itself) 2 days later. It was amazing. We fell in love with these girls (ages 12 & 13) and they fell in love with Alex;) Seriously though, it was just an amazing experience. They stayed with us for 12 days.

During that time, I had gone for one of my morning walks on the West Orange Trail and I had a thought while I was talking to the Lord. I said, "Lord, it would be so neat if I could just go to Ashlyn's orphanage with one of the families from the yahoo group and just catch a glimpse of her..."

When I got home there was an email from Mary (mentioned above) in my inbox. She said she was taking her daughter back to China in 2 weeks to visit the orphanage. She wanted to know if Ashlyn was home yet, and if not, would we like for her to take some pictures of her for us. What?!?! I could not believe what I was reading. I went in to tell Matt and he was busy working. He didn't even want to hear about it. So I walked out of his office and talked to the Lord about it instead. That was one of those moments where I knew. I just knew... Only God.

One of the pictures that Mary took of Ashlyn and her friends while visiting the orphanage. Ashlyn is the one in the middle.

For the next several days we all enjoyed hanging out with our exchange students (including Matt) and I sat and prayed one morning. I said, "Lord, I hear you. These are not coincidences. Please tell Matt. It has to come from Him."

That afternoon the girls taught me how to correctly pronounce Wan Li Hui's name. That evening, after dinner, we were cleaning up the kitchen and I told Matt that the girls taught me how to say her name and he said, "Well, do they have any in's with the Chinese government?" And I said (with my heart in my throat but trying to act nonchalant) "What do you mean?" And he said, "Can they hook us up?" And I said, "Do you mean about Wan Li Hui?" And he said "Yes. I think we need to go for it." What?!?! I said, "Well if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it. No more sitting on the fence." and he said, "I really think we should do it." I couldn't believe how fast God got that job done! ;)

The next day I contacted Lisa Kelly at Lifeline and told her our story. She said she had never had this happen before where someone had backed out after PA and then changed their minds, but that they would do everything they possibly could to help us. What really meant the most to me was her follow up emails daily, telling me she was praying for us. She said their Chinese facilitator was amazing and she would go to bat for us. We took our little Chinese girls to church with us that weekend (another amazing story in and of itself) and we had yet another guest speaker speak straight to our hearts. He said, "Some of you have been praying about adoption...What are you waiting for?" I looked down the row at 5 sweet Chinese girls (the family with the 13- year- old from China and their other younger Chinese daughters met us for church that day, who by the way, are now doing very well.) sitting there together and couldn't believe all that God was doing in our lives.

We took off for Kanakuk at the end of July, hoping to hear back from China that week as to whether or not they'd allow us to apply for PA again. Miraculously, they said yes. Doors were once again opening. So we went through the whole rigorous PA process again and sent that off, wondering if this time they'd see that we don't quite meet their expectations and say no. We prayed for favor. It came and they said yes...again!!! We could not believe it. Only God.

Updated picture we got with our PA the second time around. They told her she was going to be adopted by an American family and said that she was very excited, but also a little nervous.

We've completed the home study, received clearance from immigration, celebrated another one of Ashlyn's birthday's (big 13) without her, started the dossier process, and are on target to be heading to China sometime this fall. We are hoping to be able to afford to take Alex and Ansley. (*See more recent update at the end of this post.)

We ordered a birthday cake for her. This a picture of her friends singing happy birthday to her. The orphanage took pictures of it to send to us.

Our family is supportive and excited for us. They have all been so amazing. We have a great support system in them. And our bloggie friends... Y'all are AMAZING. Thank God for Blogger! It has connected us to some of the most amazing adoptive families.

We have read several books on adoption, taken on-line training for international adoption, followed blog after blog after blog on adoption, and we feel we are as prepared as we can possibly be.

Our social workers have both told us that they have never seen a more prepared family and they are very confident that we have made the right choice.

Somewhere along this road God got ahold of us and opened our eyes to the great need for orphan care. We are currently praying about full-time missions.

Do we have fears? Yes. My biggest fear is that this will somehow tear our family apart. But I also know that fear is not from the Lord and the enemy hates adoption.

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who keeps our hearts and weighs our souls knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

"We need adopotion as much as adoption needs us" ~Dennis Rainey

We are choosing to trust in the Lord; that He has great plans for our lives and for Ashlyn's life. We can not wait to tell her about Jesus. Our greatest desire is for her to know Him.

Will she be afraid? Yes. her life is getting ready to change drastically. But there is no hope or future for her in China. She will age out at 14 and no longer be eligible for adoption. At that point, if no family had chosen her, she would end up out on the streets. It will be a very great sacrifice on her part to leave all she knows to come with us and it will take great courage. Please pray for her.

Have we met her? No. We have sent her two letters, pictures of us , a birthday cake, and some gifts. We are pretty sure that she has at least read our letters and seen our pictures. The orphanage usually waits until the day they bring her to us to give her the gifts. (*updated info at the bottom of this post)

Will this be hard? Most likely. But we have gained knowledge & understanding through all of our research. And through seeking wisdom and guidance from the Lord, He has given us peace and hope and confidence. Just because something is hard does not mean that it isn't the will of God and part of His plan. God uses the very hard things in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to sanctify us. Is parenting our biological children hard? Yes, but we continue doing it. Is the job our husbands do hard? Yes, but they continue to go every day and earn a living for their families. Is school hard? Yes, but we send our kids there every day. Is life hard? Yes! As a matter of fact, if it's not hard, maybe we're not doing it right. God has given us the desire to do this and He will be our strength on the hard days.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Does she speak any English? No she does not. However, children learn very fast. From what we have seen from other adoptive families, their children have been able to understand and communicate the simple needs by the first few months. We are looking into the options to make this as part as easy as possible for her.

How do our kids feel about this? They are thrilled. They pray for her and talk about her all the time. They understand as much as possible, that this will be an adjustment for them and that she may not like us right away. We have been as honest with them as we feel appropriate and necessary. We do not want to give them false hopes.

*Update as of 10-21-12:
We received letters in the mail from Ashlyn a few months back. They were so precious. She told us that she loved us, that she dreams that we are all together, that she hopes the kids will like her, and that she is nervous, but happy to be coming to live with us in America. Just a couple of weeks ago our adoption agency sent a team of medical professionals over to China and Ashlyn's orphanage just happened to be one of their stops. One of the Lifeline emloyees was able to spend some time with her and sent us a few pictures.

Here she is in the middle of 2 friends. Her cute bangs have grown out. It's amazing how much she's changed since we started this whole process. She's still adorable though:)

We got a recent update from her orphanage too. She is taller than Ansley, but shorter than Alex. We are starting to collect clothing and other things for the girls. Yes, I did say girls. Since I first wrote this post, we have added another little sweetie to our adoption process. Her name is Abby Joy, she is 4 and has Down Syndrome. She is also in China and we will get her the same time trip we get Ashlyn, which will hopefully be some time in early December. We are getting close to the finish line and just can not wait to get these girls home and get on with our lives. This process is so long and tedious. We are still waiting on the Lord to provide the travel expenses. We know He will. Please continue to pray for our family.

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask. We love to answer them.

Blessings,
Matt & Rebecca