When I first laid eyes on Abby I thought she was mine, then I saw her birthdate and knew for sure:) After the long weekend of prayer and the decision to move forward, I never once doubted that we were doing the right thing. I still do not doubt that this sweet girl was meant to be a part of our family...
We fell in love with her instantly. Not just me... All of us. We are ALL crazy about her. But bonding with her has been... different and slower than I'd expected.
Abby is extremely smart. She is loving and kind and gentle. She loves music and she loves to dance... especially to Toby Mac:)
Abby is non-verbal and shows very little expression. It is almost impossible to get a smile out of her and when she does smile, it lasts a split second and then it's gone. She does laugh and giggle, but it's not when you'd expect it. It's usually when she's alone. The kids all think she has an imaginary friend:)
She has occasional moments of sorrow and occasional moments of laughter, but the in-between is very quiet. She could easily be lost in the shuffle if we're not careful. She beats to her own drum. She loves to play and be creative. She's quite curious and sometimes a bit mischevious:) She LOVES to play in water. I will find her several times a day hanging over my bathtub with the water running. She also loves to play in my closet, dressing in my clothes and trying on my shoes. She's big into brushing her teeth as well:) Basically, give the girl free reign of the master bath and closet and she'll be entertained for hours:)
She is like a little flower that has yet to bloom. It is precious to see her and Averleigh together. They are such sweet sisters. Alex can't come into a room where Abby's playing without smothering her with kisses. Ansley & Ashlyn are like her little mommies, and Aidan thinks she's the cutest thing in the world.
There is no lack of love for this girl around here...
But we are anxious for the day that we see this little flower bloom. I know she has it in her.
She starts school (special needs VPK) on June 11th. We are all hoping that they'll be able to get her talking, or at least communicating somehow.
Parenting a non-verbal, non-expressive child can sometimes feel like playing dolls. There's alot of love poured out, but not much given back. This is where the struggle lies. We have had many talks about this over the past 5 months. My husband has had the toughest time bonding with her. He's very honest about it. He doesn't like it at all, but it just hasn't come natural for him. He loves her, but he doesn't feel the same connection to her as he does to Ashlyn. We are confident that in time, this will come. It's not always easy, but love isn't a feeling afterall... It's a decision. And we choose to love no matter what.
And besides, she is a precious child of God. She is easy to love.
When I think about the task that God has set before us I am honored that He chose us... 2 very flawed people, to nurture this sweet soul. She had no one in the world to love or defend her... NO ONE. She was all alone in the world and now she has a family.
Miraculous...
I will never get over the lengths that God goes to for these fatherless children. It's amazing... Probably the MOST amazing thing I will ever experience in my life. I would venture to say that, for me, it is even more unbelievable than childbirth.
Anyone have any similar experiences that you'd like to share?
I'd love for this blog to become a sort of forum for people to talk about various topics. I love to chew on things and I love to write. I also love to hear your thoughts, ideas, & suggestions...
Blessings,
Rebecca
we get it, r! we just have not bonded to S like we have to B. S is mostly by herself, doesn't communicate much, and it is hard to overcome the mind melt that is trying to understand a 5 year old mind in a 14.5 year old's body. we struggle daily. BUT, school has made HUGE differences. she is animated now, talks in half chinese, quarter english, and quarter sign. she actually gets loud and playful sometimes. AND guess what? last week she came home from school and went straight to the playroom. typical. but a few moments later she heard her sisters playing outside and went out to join them. she wasn't asked, commanded to, or bribed. she wanted to be included. woohoo. things are shifting. it took 14 months, but we see a new light in her. stay strong. trust Him. and my best advice...fake it until you make it.
ReplyDeleteprayers for all 8 of you.
love,
ronnie
Our Laura is almost 9, but developmentally like a 1 year old. We brought her home at 11 months, and for a LONG time, there was no emotion...nothing in return...only whining (all night long!), rocking, head banging, etc. It was hard, esp. for my hubby who worked all day away from her, and then came home to no response. Now, she is the most cuddly, happy, contagiously joyful child. She shows so much love in her own way. Time and prayer, my friend!
ReplyDeleteOur first child came to us as a six-month-old, and she was extremely clingy but not at all affectionate. She demanded constant physical connection, but never gave affection. She had almost no emotional expression -- unless someone took away her toy. Her speech was delayed. I loved her with all my heart, but I did not feel connected with her, and that was very hard on so many levels! Our first child! Our baby girl! She demanded us constantly but didn't seem to love us. By the time she was three, we thought she was heading into autism and even took her to an autism center for evaluation, but we gradually realized her issues were related more to sensory integration and attachment. She has now been with us five and a half years and is showing us some affection and is far more expressive than she used to be. I still want to put her in occupational therapy, which I think could help her in a variety of ways, but I'll have to find an OT who sees in her what I do -- she impresses people so much when she is away from our home that they are unable to see her struggles. At any rate, all of that to say it's possible that Abby has more going on than "just" Down. She may have issues that an OT or other type of therapist could address. Just thinking aloud. But I do understand about how difficult it is to bond with someone who shows very little response. Blessings to your beautiful family! --Shawnee
ReplyDeleteWow you really "get it" - "...love is not a feeling, it's a decision..." - these are maybe some of the most insightful words I have ever read!
ReplyDeleteHold fast to that thought...
And I know in my heart of hearts that there will come a time when your daughter has something to say - and speak she will!
hugs - prayers -
aus and co.
I could not agree more than child birth is way over rated and have often said the gift and journey of adoption is much more miraculous. Not to minimize at all the wonderful blessing of my one bio, but I knew after one that was it for me and could not imagine why anyone would do it more than once..LOL Great post and very honest. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt took a long time for Nathan to attempt speech..and even now he still doesn't smile very often. I think he was even less expressive then Abby...and he certainly didn't do much but just sit. And throw things against the wall. And still often can get "lost in the shuffle" as you say Abby can. About along about 15-18 months home, he started to make more strides. Maybe it will just take Abby a bit longer to feel more settled. One thing that did encourage us was when we started seeing that he was understanding far more then he was saying. And when one sign turned to two signs, etc, etc. We would watch the "Signing Times" videos with him. But, it has taken a long, long time. Will she try to sign....even working with her to sign "Mama" and "Daddy" could go a long way to feeling more connected with her. Getting Nathan into private speech therapy has made a huge difference for him also (our school speech just doesn't cut it when you are trying to overcome being non-verbal)....our therapist tried different methods until one finally clicked and now we are moving forward, abet very slowly, with seeing him gain confidence in working those facial/mouth muscles. We work on it at home ALL THE TIME. But, in that work, we feel very connected to him...it's almost magical in those working moments. I think you can overcome this...you have a lot of loving "therapists" right there who can help her....and the blessings will be precious and sweet when those first words come. Blessings, Jennifer
ReplyDeleteWe are adopting a 4 year old who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal. I have had some of these same concerns. I'm so appreciative of your honesty and helping me set realistic expectations for the first months! Praying for all of you and for school to make a big difference for miss abby!
ReplyDeleteRebecca, what an honest and wonderful post! I know lots of those God stories!!! The adoption community is a great place to see God's amazing work - CONSTANTLY!
ReplyDeleteShe is such a doll!!!!! I need to hold her again! Love your heart.
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