The "Flip Side" of Life...

Have you ever noticed that almost everything in life has a "flip side"? It reminds me of Newton's 3rd law of motion... "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction".

I'm just thinking of the things I romanticize...

1.) Like marriage. It's such a gift. Such a blessing. A beautiful reminder of Christ and His love & provision for us. I can't imagine going through life without my husband. How lonely that would be. Marriage is so rewarding.

2.) Like homeschooling. We are so blessed to have this freedom. It allows me to be the boss of my time, money, and what my children are learning. AND it allows me the gift of being with them in a very purposeful way. Homeschooling is so rewarding.

3.) Like getting pregnant & giving birth. Is there ANYTHING more wonderful? I don't think so. growing belly, picking out the name, finding out if it's a boy or a girl, feeling the baby kick for the first time, hearing the little heartbeat, seeing the sonograms, holding the baby for the first time, seeing that precious face... I could go on and on... I love it all. Pregnancy is so rewarding.

4.) Like raising a family. It's the biggest marathon of life, isn't it? I never thought I'd ever be a marathon runner. But I'm still runnin'. It's an amazing rush. Raising a family is so rewarding.

5.) Like taking a new job. The anticipation of income, learning a new trade, the possibilities for success, the new friends and comrades... Work is so rewarding.

6.) Like ordering curriculum. I love books. LOVE them. Especially new ones. I love stacking them up and I love smelling them and I love getting them in the mail by the boxes-full. :) Weird, I know. Books are so rewarding.

7.) Like adopting.  Seeing "that face" for the very first time. Receiving preliminary approval. Daydreaming about what they are like. Daydreaming about what life will be like with them in it. Coming up with a name. Dreaming about the plans God has for their life... The day they say "yes" to Jesus...Thinking about what it will be like to meet them for the very first time... How it's going to change our family for the better. Adoption is so rewarding.

8.) Like getting a new dog. Dogs are always a good idea, right? They ALWAYS love you. Dogs are so rewarding.

All of these things are so dreamy & romantic, aren't they? But there is a flip side to all of these things...

1.) Sometimes marriage can be really hard. Sometimes my husband isn't always my knight in shining armor. Sometimes he lets me down. Sometimes he makes me really mad. Sometimes I'm nothing like the wife I dreamt I'd be. I hate that.

2.) Sometimes (most of the time for me) homeschooling can be very very VERY hard. Sometimes I'm not prepared. Sometimes my kids don't want to do the work. Sometimes they complain. Sometimes they goof off. Sometimes they don't "get it". Sometimes I don't get it! Sometimes they interupt me. Sometimes I'm rushed for time. Sometimes we don't get it all done. Sometimes everyone is grumpy, including me. Sometimes I don't want to get up in the morning and do it all over again...

3.) Pregnancy was really hard for me. Long periods of "all day & night" sickness with all 4 babies. Lots of weight gain (40 pounds every time). Muscle aches, headaches, body aches, sleepless nights. Then there were the 4 c-sections & recoveries. I have no complaints about anything beyond that. My babies were amazing. Good sleepers. Good eaters. Very healthy.

4.) Sometimes raising a family can be very hard. Folly is bound up in the heart of every child. It takes a lot of patience and love and discipline to do a good job training them in righteousness. Sometimes I can be very lazy, impatient, and unloving. Sometimes my kids take advantage of my grace. Sometimes they argue (alot) and complain (alot) and don't clean up after themsleves (alot). Sometimes I look nothing like Jesus to my kids. I really hate that.

5.) Sometimes the new job turns out to be just as unfullfilling as the last. Sometimes it's hard to get along with those new friends and comrades. Sometimes the pay isn't as good as it first sounded. Sometimes the learning curve is harder than anticipated. Sometimes the boss turns out to be a not.so.nice.person.

6.) New curriculum is many times more appealing sitting on the shelf:) Sometimes it's so confusing! They are all different and so wordy! Just tell me exactly what to say and which page to find that on please! And for heaven's sake, just keep it simple!!! I don't need 20 different choices in phonics games! :)

7.) ADOPTION... I have been hearing a lot of hard stuff lately. Too much hard stuff. I've been buried in denial for the past several months and the light of day is really bright. I can't open my eyes yet. It's too much to consider. What if she's crazy? What if she hates us? What if she wants to hurt my kids? What if she drives us crazy? What if I have no affection for her? What if we regret it? There is a serious hard flip side to adoption and so many suffer in silence. Will I be silent? Will I share too much? Will we be judged like so many others? Will we be ignored or lonely like so many others? What Lord? What will our story look like? Will we make it to the new normal?

8.) Another story for another day:)

So that's what was brewing in my head today as I was doing my dishes in complete silence... ALONE IN A QUIET HOUSE. I love quiet. I love being alone. It's getting ready to get louder in my house and I'm getting ready to lose most of my alone time. Maybe forever.

The flip side of that is that I will hopefully look back on my life knowing that I gave it my all. I left no stone unturned. I said "yes" even while I was shaking in my boots. So unworthy. So inadequate. So imperfect. Yet... Somehow, He makes all things work together for His good. ALL THINGS to those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose. AndHe rejoices over us and He relates to our sufferings. He's such a good and gracious and longsuffering God.

A letter from my best friend, Tracy, in response to an email I got from a fellow adopter. The names are changed to protect their privacy...

  We are here for you every step-no judgment, just love, prayers and understanding.

I had another thought after reading what "Betsy" wrote, that still, even if they don’t experience significant changes with "Katie", that it is STILL better that she has a family than not. No matter what, that she still had the family life experience. That is what God desires for all people, that is the way he designed our earthly lives, to have an experience of having lived in loving community.

And for the rest of us, to share in that hurt and struggle that damages so many who haven’t had that experience gives us a glimpse into why we should be SO thankful for our circumstances in life and not take them for granted. It is important. More than we can know.

In all, all of the mess, when we are stretching for God’s will to be our will and courageously taking the steps to do it, we must have confidence that His grace will carry us through and transform everything.

We love you dear, dear, no DEAREST, friends.

 

 

 

I love her perspective. Maybe adoption isn't about me and Matt. Maybe it's just about Ashlyn and Abby. Maybe it's about Jesus leaving the entire "found" flock for that one lost sheep.

Regardless, the one thing I pray for the most? For the Lord to work a miracle in the hearts of our girls. That He will make room in their broken hearts for Him. That I will love them fiercely as I do my own.

Blessings,
Rebecca