"Healing rain is falling down..."
That's my day in a nutshell. The heavens opened up, literally, and rained down on me.
Last night was a doozie...
I went to bed feeling very defeated.
I woke up feeling the same.
Matt took our eldest out for coffee this morning and came back just as discouraged. Which typically doesn't happen when we take him out for a one-on-one. He was still really mad about our talk last night.
We got schoolwork done this morning and then I took the girls to the store with me to buy groceries for a family I was making a meal for tonight. Thank heavens we made it through with no mishaps. As we were checking out I made a comment under my breath about how I needed to get my act together and make a list so that I don't have to go to the store every other day for things I've forgotten... And the sweet older gentleman bagging my groceries said, "I was gonna say... Weren't you just here?" I said, "well...yeah. But I like to cook and I have a large family... And many times I come back because someone in my church needs a meal." So he asked me what church I went to... And we had a lovely chat. The kind that lifted my spirits instantly...
Although, as soon as we turned to head out the door, we noticed the pouring rain. So I asked the nice man to stand with my children while I ran in the downpour to pull the van up.
He loaded up my trunk while I got the girls buckled up and off we went.
Ashlyn was so impressed by the rain... Not sure why... Does it not rain in China? She kept saying, "Oh, wow! So cool!" I was thinking it was rather depressing, but hey, whatever... I was just thankful that she was in a good mood:) She is an emotional rollercoaster these days and I think I have told you here before how much I do not like rollercoasters;)
We got home, unloaded the groceries, and started getting things ready to cook. Abby came up to me with her Barbie doll and I bent down to give her a hug. She looked me square in the eyes and hit me as hard as she could over the head with that darn doll. She has never done anything like that before... TO ANYONE. It hurt really bad... But it also really hurt my feelings. So much so, that I went to the bathroom, turned on the fan, and cried like a baby.
The tears had more to do with the 2 years of emotions I have tried to keep subdued. It's all starting to come to the surface. It felt really good to finally let it go. Healing Rain...
I came back out to the kitchen where everyone was buzzing about, and Matt noticed right away that I had been crying. He came over and hugged me and reminded me that our God has an army of Angels standing guard over us. He allowed me to cry and vent and the kids just stood around and took it all in (thankfully Ashlyn was upstairs). I told him how much it hurt to hear eldest tell us that our family sucks. I went on and on in sobs about how I am weary of working so hard to please him when all we get in return is anger. He told me he understood. I told him that I am tired and I am scared for this child. He told me again that he understood... Healing Rain...
All the while, eldest was listening in his office just a few feet away...
It was time for Matt to take the boys for haircuts and Alex came in to say goodbye. He walked over to me, gave me a huge hug, and told me he was sorry...
We stood there hugging for several seconds and I cried on his shoulder. For the first time ever, he is way taller than me, and it was he who was doing the comforting. Healing Rain..
Funny how fast our babies grow up... Where has the time gone?
They left, I put the little girls down for naps, left Ansley & Ashlyn to peel and cut potatoes (their favorite) and I headed off to read my Bible in my bed.
I am in the book of Matthew now... reading about Peter and Jesus walking on the water... It was just what I needed. I love that about God's Word. No matter what book I'm in, it's always what I need for the moment. I spent some time in prayer, being really honest with the Lord, envisioning Him sitting here with me. I envisioned myself finding Him in a large crowd & touching the hem of his robe just like the sick and lame people He healed did. And I trusted that if He'd do it for them, He'd do it for us. Healing Rain...
An hour later the boys were back. Alex came straight to my room and laid on my bed. He was totally open and peaceful. I told him how this stage of life he's in is hard and that it's hard for everyone. I told him that when I was his age I used to go to my room, shut the door, listen to my Amy Grant, Susan Ashton, Michael W. Smith, & Steven Curtis Chapman tape cassettes on my boom box. I would write in my journals and I loved writing and reading poetry. I suggested he try doing the same and he agreed. Healing Rain...
The rest of the day?
AMAZING.
PEACEFUL.
BLESSED.
My big girls and I had fun baking cookies and making dinner for the family at our church, Alex's good friend Noah came over to play street ball, the little girls stayed out of trouble, and Matt got some work done.
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| Once again, please ignore the feet on the counter! I promise we bathe:) |
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| I could hear the girls outside singing, "10,000 Reasons" together. Ashlyn actually has a beautiful voice and she LOVES this song. Melts this mommas heart BIG TIME. |
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| Lazy Av, watching some TV while I get dinner ready. |
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| Abby, playing peekaboo in my kitchen curtains. |
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| 3 happy boys, playing street ball |
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| So extremely thankful for my husband... He works so hard. I'm so glad he is able to work in our home. I don't know what I'd do if he were gone all day long. |
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| Ansley on her new bike, "Ruby" |
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| Ashlyn and her new bike that she and daddy bought yesterday with her b-day money. She also got a beta fish named Jack:) She came home on a cloud. |
To wrap up our miraculous afternoon, our good friends called to invite us out for icecream after dinner...
Icecream makes my children really happy. Especially my Chinese children:)
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| Ansley & Mackenzie |
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| Aidan & Austin |
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| Are they precious or what? |
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| She is crazy for ice cream! |
Here's to more miraculous days to come!
Bring on the rain!
And BTW, THANK YOU for the prayers; those of you who commented on my last post! I appreciate it so very much!!!
Blessings,
Rebecca
HOORAH - oh - and that guy you met at the grocery - probably and Angel - just.sayin...
ReplyDeleteTime Rebecca - that's all - and remember "self care". When giving in life you need to be a hose - not a bottle. Bottles get empty and are then discarded - hoses - oh they are different - they have a "source" for their water and can keep giving. The problem is - we can't always be "connected" to the water - we're just human and as such we sometimes loose our connection to the Divine. Self care helps keep us connected. I was a Franciscan for 7 years and started off thinking my life should consist of 3 S's - Service, Suffering, and Sacrifice. One day an old Friar was walking we me and he was asking me about that. He gently laid his arm across my shoulders as we walked and said - "Aus - it's 3 S's true enough - but they are Sleep, Solidute, and Silence. Because without them you get used up and are of no value to those you wish to serve." Clever guy - and it's that important!
hugs - and great joy for you guys - great work Matt - Alex, a great step toward man hood too!
And I have no dang idea why I bothered to share that story...but hey...sometimes you just "do things" cause it feels right -
aus and co.
This post really resonates with me. Life just gets hard & it's so easy to get sucked into that aspect to the point everything else becomes blurry. Thanks for the reminder to be aware of & enjoy the blessings, which also brings a sense of healing {rain} that can be so refreshing to a weary mama's soul.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that it was such a rough night and that there were some really rough patches in the day, too (like getting smacked with the doll!)
ReplyDeleteLove the grace extended by the man at the store and Ashlyn's response to the rain, though! And the gift of time alone while the girls peeled potatoes...and the fun of ice cream out with friends after dinner. Those little gifts of grace can make such a difference, can't they?
I love when God brings a passage alive in a fresh new way to us - or just in a way that speaks/challenges us where we're at in that moment. I blogged about how He'd done that with Romans 4 and 'hope' the other day for me.
And I love how often God uses music or lyrics from songs to speak to or minister to my heart! Fun to see others blog about the same!
Have you read Alece's (of Grit and Glory) post called the Hem of His Robe? http://www.gritandglory.com/the-hem-of-his-robe/ You referencing the same passage made me think of it.
Prayers continue!
Thankful for the rain for you!!! Life is hard! The life you are obedient to is even harder!!! In the end, this too shall pass and joy will come in the morning!!!
ReplyDeleteThankful for your sweet family even if one may say it stinks right now, most teenagers think that from time to time anyhow. Their worlds revolve around them for the most part. But the sweet hug and the chat on the bed tell you that he gets it!
Prayerful over you and yours!!!